another fire

I don't know what is up with all of these house fires that seem to keep happening recently to me and people I know. First we had a fire, then a year and a half later my roommate from college had a fire, and now a guitar player I know in Baltimore has had one. He and his wife will be displaced for six months because some guy who was working on their from porch accidentally set it on fire. When will this end?

Visualization

We were down in Pensacola recently and we visited our friend CJ who lives just over the line in Alabama. He is an infectiously joyous person who has spent a great deal of time exploring his spirituality.

One technique that has worked very well for him is visualization. I believe that everyone does a certain amount of visualization and in order to feel optimistic about something, visualization is practically a requirement.

So I started thinking that maybe if I began to visualize a little harder about my house being finished, it might happen even sooner than I realistically expect it to. I realize that the end of that sentence kind of negates the whole visualizing effect. Nevertheless, the time I spend waiting for the house to be done will definitely pass more pleasantly if I am visualizing its completion. And our lives are going to be so much better when we are back in our house. That is a fact and is very easy to visualize.

Then I remembered all of the times when we’d come back from tours or vacations and Doug would comment on the fact that the house hadn’t burned down. I think he was joking, but for some reason we were always relieved to see that it was still there the way we’d left it. I guess in our case this could be an extreme example of visualization gone awry. You just don’t want to mess with those bad vibes, I’ve learned. They might come back to bite you!

maybe I should start another blog

So I've been doing the bright and cheerful news about our house progress on a different blog so that I could keep it separate from the more dismal facts of my existence that not too many people really want to know about.

I've actually been writing about my experiences ever since the fire happened but I was not really aware of the fact at the time that I could do it in a blogging format. If I end up doing it I'm going to have to see if there is a way to post-date the stuff I've written previously so that it stays somewhat chronological, relative to when it was written or to when the stuff happened. We'll see if I get around to it.

It has been interesting (to me at least) to observe the differences in the way I have felt about things before, during, and after the fire and the rebuilding process. Some of the changes in my life that occurred as a result of this pretty awful experience have not been what I would have expected, but it seems like a lot of the bad stuff paves the way for a much improved future. And I have learned more about myself as a result going through all of this than I would have otherwise. So I guess I will continue to write about whatever phase I happen to be in until we are finally back in our house for good.

And apparently I did manage to figure out how to change the date!

A GOOD EXAMPLE

AUGUST 29, 2007
A GOOD EXAMPLE
This past weekend we were driving home from New Hampshire and we stopped in for a visit with Jennifer, my roommate from college, and her family. About a year ago she also had a house fire. Her garage spontaneously and rather explosively burst into flames while she was out of town.

They had to move out of their house for about 6 months while the insurance company’s contractor rebuilt the inside and replaced all of the roofing and siding on the outside. That is basically what the insurance company was going to do for us before Doug, I mean we, got all creative with the alternatives.

Jennifer's house is now a new and shiny replica of its formerly beautiful old self. It looks great. I feel discouraged that ours is taking so long, but I am also inspired to see how beautifully hers turned out. Ours will be equally beautiful one of these years.

Jennifer was, and continues to be, one of my main inspirations for playing the bass. I used to be her accompanist in college and I saw how much fun she had playing her bass in so many different groups and styles. We went to hear her play in a big band concert while we were there visiting, and all of the memories of watching her play way back then came flooding back to me. I am so glad that we became friends and are still in touch after all of these years.

SHE ALMOST HAS HER SENSE OF HUMOR BACK!!!

ALMOST…..
A few days ago I played a session with Tom, the drummer from the show I used to do. It was nice to see and play with him in a small group setting for a change. We were talking about the house and a mildly humorous candle reference occurred.

Although I know now that Doug always felt that the lamp had caused the fire, that fact seemed to always be overshadowed in other people’s minds by the fact that there also happened to be a burning candle present at the time. This impression is probably entirely my fault because I never ever failed to mention it when anyone asked. Candles can be a fire hazard - that is a fact.

So Tom seemed kind of surprised when I explained the whole lamp theory to him. I really didn’t know the extent to which various people have had an opinion about the exact cause of our fire. I’m not saying that Tom is one of those people, but it is possible that some people think that I used a candle to burn Doug’s house down because I was there when it happened and he wasn’t.

I know there are people who might prefer to look at it that way because I’ve overheard them actually saying things to that effect. Of course they were joking, or at least I hope they were because it’s really quite hilarious, don’t you think? I suppose that I will also be able to laugh at the whole thing once I am back in my house and have been able to resume my previously wonderful life of gigging and traveling.

But in the meantime I am forced to stay home to do grueling 14 hour days of carpentry, sanding, painting, vacuuming up all of the sawdust, being hot and sweaty and dirty and gross, and having to buy millions of house-related things that I really wish I didn’t have to pick out. It is not fun at all, but I am stuck doing it and there is no reasonable alternative.

I really am looking forward to the day when I can look back at all of this and laugh about how crazy and absurd it all has been. I’ll just have to be patient a little while longer…..I’ve had to wait for a lot of things longer than most people could ever imagine, so I can wait for this too. Better times are definitely coming. Eventually.

It was nobody...with the lamp....in the bedroom

Perhaps, but I really haven’t a CLUE!!!

So I was at a rehearsal the other night. After the break the piano player says “I guess you probably noticed that they have a candle burning upstairs in the bathroom.” I said “yeah I noticed….it creeped me out a little bit….but it’s not my house”.

That was supposed to be funny, but it might have come across as mean. I’m trying to be a little more lighthearted about this whole thing with varying degrees of success. I said “Not all houses burn down just because someone lit a candle.” Then he said “you know my son’s girlfriend’s house burned down and it was caused by a lamp.” I said “Doug thinks that the lamp was to blame for our fire and for some reason I am starting to believe that too, but for the longest time I thought it was the candle.” So sometimes lamps can cause fires and sometimes candles do not cause fires.

Eventually I might figure out what this all means…..DUH. I’m very sorry that yet another person has had to go through having a fire, but somehow I feel better knowing that lamps can cause fires too. It’s kind of pathetic, but I’m really glad he told me that. It is really a lot easier to blame a “thing” than it is to blame yourself. I think that some progress and healing may have occurred the other night. Thank you, Paul.

Love Springs Forth From the Ashes

One of the truly wonderful outcomes of our fire is that our roommate John got a life, so to speak, and then proceeded to meet the love of his life. And then he married her! John was the best roommate ever. He had lived with us since 1985 when we bought our house.

John was intelligent, witty, friendly, and very quiet. It was great having him there. He took care of the cats and the mail when we were on the road. He would even periodically raise his own rent! He had millions of books, magazines, CDs, and other things and nearly everything he owned was destroyed in the fire. But according to various sources, this experience caused him to enter a new phase where he suddenly felt free of the shackles of all of his possessions. He seemed to have a new lease on life and soon after that he began dating Stefanie. They got married today and will soon be taking a fabulous honeymoon in Hawaii.

2006, Summarized

If 2005 was the strangest year on record, then 2006 has been the most miserable. At least now I can look forward to things definitely becoming better.

During the spring tour my husband was captured by aliens. That is a metaphor for the social climate that existed for us on tour this year. We did get a good set of house plans designed, but it was definitely a struggle to accomplish this while on the road.

We had a wonderful trip to England and Scotland and Wales. It was really nice to go on a trip where we were unencumbered by others.

When we came home for good we shovelled all of the remaining ashes out of our house (4 dumpsters worth) and watched it go away forever. That was depressing. What is left, which will eventually become our new house, still looks pretty pathetic.

In spite of all of the weirdness I was really sad that I could no longer do the tour. I miss the road life a lot. And I turned down three different ship gigs with excellent itineraries so that I could stay home and work on my house. The stuff we are doing right now is exhausting. It's been a rough year, that's for sure.

WORK, WORK, WORK

We have been slaving away on our house all summer long. We spent most of June shovelling the charred remains of the last 20 years into huge dumpsters in our driveway in preparation for the teardown of the house. It was incredibly hot, we got totally filthy every single day, and it was also rather depressing.

Our house has been a total eyesore for the neighborhood for the past year and a half and there's nothing I can really do about it except keep the grass mowed. Now it looks even worse because we had some people come in to remove the 1950's asbestos siding. The unacceptable appearance of our house doesn't really seem to bother Doug at all. Oh yeah, I forgot - he's the guy who had 9 or more rusted out dead cars out in our backyard for years and years. I guess I just can't expect him to be appreciative of my desire to just have a pleasant and normal looking house. But he's charming and delightful and that makes it all worthwhile. Yeah, right.

Speaking of thwarted efforts in the direction of a pleasant and normal looking house, I can't believe how the heat from the fire made the fresh coat of gray paint I put on last fall just peel right off of the wood siding. So now part of the house is back to Doug's pink color, and some of it is down to the original barn red, and where they took down the siding it's beige. The shingles on the addition are still gray. The whole thing is pretty damn ugly.

Also we have been working in the addition to prepare it to become our new house. This involves removing the basement steps and putting in joists and subflooring in the stairwell area for all on the main floor and the upstairs.

Before we can put in the flooring we have to get the foam core panels that will become the new front exterior wall all moved upstairs. They are big and heavy so we have to use a pulley. Then we put in the floor. We are now getting to the upstairs via a ladder that goes through a hole in the floor. We are mostly doing this work at night because it is too hot during the day. This is stuff we were planning to do ourselves anyway, to save money, before the professionals came in to do the finish work.

If you are really interested in what all of this work looks like, click some of these links:
Installing the Floors and Moving the Panels
Cutting the House in Half
Almost Ready to Install the Wall
Preparing the Foam Core Panels

And if you want to see some additional pictures and videos of our house demolition, click here.

Putting the foam core panels up on the front wall of the addition after the roof is already on and before we separate the front of the house from it is a weird and scary operation. And physically pretty difficult. But Doug has figured out a way to do it that is completely structurally sound. He is amazing that way. So I put up with him.

This construction work is not my cup of tea at all, but I'm doing it. I really hate getting all dirty and sweaty and having to wear work gloves in this heat to protect my hands. It's really the only way that we can afford to get what we need in the way of a house. Although we are building a house that is actually much better than what we need.

Recaptured Memories

Today I made a wonderful discovery. The very first digital camera that I ever owned, which I had purchased only a few months earlier, has actually survived the fire!!!

We were cleaning out the dining room in preparation for tearing down the house, and I decided to cut open the melted wad that my new nylon backpack had become, just to see if by any chance there was money, or my old passport in there. We had discovered previously that melted plastic or nylon would actually occasionally protect an item, that is, if you could manage to get the melted stuff off of it. I used a saw to get inside the backpack because the scissors weren’t tough enough. Deep inside, surrounded by many other melted things, was the bright blue neoprene eyeglass holder that contained my camera.

My camera looked brand new, exactly as it had the last time I saw it about a year and a half ago. The battery was dead now, of course, so I took it home and charged it on my replacement camera’s charger. The three months worth of pictures, which dated back to December 2004, were all just fine!

I had purchased this camera just after Thanksgiving, immediately prior to the final leg of our Fall 2004 tour, and now I'm so glad that I had not yet downloaded any of the pictures, because it meant that they weren’t trapped forever inside my melted laptop.

I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I was to get a tiny piece of my pre-fire life back and intact. Here are some highlights from my reclaimed photos:

My very first skydiving experience, and Brittany's too. Brian skydives a lot. We had a day off and Brittany wanted to do it for her birthday. I was game.

That's me way up there! I loved being so high in the air, especially after the parachute opened and the wind stopped rushing past my ears. It was so quiet and peaceful then. I paid big bucks for a video of this experience but it was destroyed in the fire. I'm glad that Doug came along and took some pictures.

Brittany became seriously ill the next day after we went skydiving, although the timing and the aftermath of the skydiving which first called attention to her illness, may very well have saved her life. Anyway, a bunch of us from the tour got together and crocheted and knitted her a patchwork blanket.

Doug and I took a lovely trip to Florida for a few days in January 2005.

This is the only picture that I have of Seymour now. All of the other ones are gone. Seymour died in the fire and we miss him so much.

2005, the year in review

This was a most bewildering year. It started off nicely enough, with a January vacation in Florida for Doug and me, and a 4 month ship gig with an awesome itinerary to look forward to. Then the fire happened, but I was still able to do 3 months on the ship. Things were up in the air with the insurance company for the longest time. Our credit cards were maxed out from all of the stuff we had to buy. There was weirdness on the fall tour. The lack of decisiveness about what we were going to do with our house was scary. Then I had a really nice December full of interesting gigs. But I have to say that over all 2005 has definitely been the strangest year of my life so far.

August 2005

When I got home I finished the personal property inventory and finally turned it in on July 28th. While I was away Doug found out what the settlement amount was probably going to be and that it was based on them restoring our house rather than tearing it down and building a new one. Apparently the structure was sufficiently stable in spite of the fact that most of the inside was completely gutted. The insurance company would oversee this process and all we would have to do was wait until they were finished to move back in.

According to Doug, the problem with restoring the house was that we would have to spend an additional $50,000 or more of our own money to bring the basement up to code so that it would pass the various inspections. These code issues really had nothing to do with the fire – they had to do with it being an old house with a cellar that was dug out after the house was already built so it would have been an independent expense for us. Bringing our basement up to code would have been a very tricky and expensive process and Doug thought that it would not be worth it in any way. Actually I would have been happy to get the basement fixed and have the insurance company repair our house for us, but this was not satisfactory to Doug.

The solution seemed to be to take a cash settlement which would amount to 75% of the repair settlement and do things independently. This made me very apprehensive because in the past projects like our addition would last forever and never get finished. Our addition, which we started in 1992 wasn’t even halfway finished. That’s how fast we work. But I went along with it because I didn’t really have much of a choice. Doug said we would have time on the tour to design a really great house that met all of our needs. That cheered me up quite a bit because it meant that we might have an even better time on the tour than usual, with such an exciting project to work on together.

After the fire, we had talked about whether or not we would be able to do the tour again. Doug was kind of over it but he knew that I still enjoyed it. The tour had become slightly more interesting to him last fall when he became tour manager. We stayed in better hotels and had generally more interesting lunch stops and sightseeing trips. But he told me he definitely didn’t want to do the tour manager thing again if they ended up with the same bus driver. Doug did not enjoy working with her. She was kind of difficult. I think he even mentioned this to the producer. So things were up in the air for a while and eventually we decided that it would be good to tour again and have things get somewhat back to normal. He was still having second thoughts about the tour manager gig and I agreed that we would both have more fun if he just went back to playing the show.

Then while I out on the ship he was asked to be tour manager again and in a weak moment he said yes. I was still happy that we were not letting the fire stop us from doing the tour. If that seems naïve, it’s because it was. I was still kind of shell-shocked and I think Doug was too. We definitely made some bad decisions along the way.